We Deserve Better Than Abstinence-Only Sex Education

I really hate abstinence-only sex education.

I have a lot of reasons for this. There’s the way its supporters regularly distort medical facts for their own benefit. The fact that it doesn’t actually reduce pregnancy rates or prevent sex outside of marriage. That because abstinence-only programs often lie about the effectiveness of contraceptives, people who have taken virginity pledges are more likely to have unprotected sex. The fact that it refuses to acknowledge that the majority of students will have sex before marriage, and that it ignores the existence of queer students.

I’ve experienced the harm that can be caused by abstinence-only sex education first-hand. I was raised Catholic, and went to an all-girls Catholic high school. All of the sex education there happened during religion classes, and all of it was awful. It was full of misinformation about basic medical facts and flower analogies – that a person who had lost their virginity was like a rose without petals, “a beautiful part of them gone forever.” I distinctly remember being told things like “As a woman, it is your duty to protect the dignity of men.”

I was lucky enough not to internalize all of this bullshit. While some of my classmates were making chastity pledges and wearing purity rings, my reaction was more “fuck that noise.” But that’s not how it works for everyone. For a lot of people, years of shame over completely natural and healthy sexual feelings make it incredibly difficult to develop healthy attitudes about sex. Without ever learning anything about pleasure, communication with sex partners, or consent, how are you supposed to advocate for yourself? If you’ve been told that condoms don’t even work, why are you going to insist that your partner use one? If you’ve believed your whole life that masturbation is wrong, how are you going to learn anything about your body, and tell your partner what you want? That’s the thing that pisses me off most about the prevalence of abstinence-only sex education in America: by ignoring the realities of a mature, healthy sex life. it leaves people utterly unprepared to have one.

Despite being told for years that having sex before marriage was the worst thing I could do for my relationship, about a year in to my first serious relationship, I decided to do it anyway. And I’m incredibly glad I did. It wasn’t at all the horrible, life-ruining experience I was told it would be. I was told that because sex was like a fire – “safely contained in the fireplace of marriage, but dangerous if uncontrolled.”  But after I had sex for the first time, the world did not, in fact, end. My boyfriend didn’t dump me for being a trollop, and I didn’t get pregnant or die. It was the first time for both of us, so we were a little nervous, and awkward. But that didn’t stop it from being one of the most romantic, emotional, and beautiful moments of my life. And it only strengthened our relationship: having this new, wonderful thing to explore together was amazing.

Having experienced abstinence-only sex education firsthand, it pisses me off to know that so many people are being subjected to it. I think of the times that I saw people do things like show high-resolution photos of people with STI’s as a scare tactic, and then offer no information about safer sex (except of course, that condoms weren’t effective at preventing pregnancy) and I just want to send a link to Scarleteen to every high school student in America. People deserve sex education that doesn’t lie to them, and doesn’t leave them feeling guilty for the rest of their lives.

Hedo Vibes Round Up #69

maPhoto courtesy of Modesty Ablaze

Welcome to HedoVibes, a collection of reviews and giveaways that were posted in the past week or so from around the web. This is a collection of adult product reviews & contests from real reviewers. If you want to be included in the next edition start with the guidelines, then use the submission form.

Want to read more reviews? Check out HedoVibes for a list of the latest reviews and stellar reviewers. You can also follow on twitter for the latest round ups. HedoVibes is also accepting photo submissions for each edition.

CONTESTS

DILDOS

VIBRATORS

RINGS & STROKERS

BONDAGE, IMPACT, & FETISH GEAR

LUBES & CONDOMS

EROTIC BOOKS

MISCELLANEOUS

hedo150

Review: Lovehoney Satisfy Me G-Spot Silicone Dildo

Confession time: I don’t really own that many sex toys. Yet. This is not by choice. As a broke college student, my enthusiasm and my wishlist far exceed my budget. So when I saw the amazing 3 for $40 sale Lovehoney was having, I jumped at the chance to expand my arsenal.

One of the toys I purchased was the Lovehoney Satisfy Me G-Spot Silicone Dildo. It’s seven and a half inches long, with two insertable ends: a bulbous head for G-spot stimulation, and a slimmer, more straightforward handle with a rounded base. Both ends are quite firm, but the neck of the dildo is pretty flexible. The entire dildo is made of 100% body safe silicone.wpid-sam_0438.jpg It has a really awesome velvety-smooth texture that I love – the first thing I did with this dildo was rub it against my face. It’s great, but I feel a moral obligation to warn you that it attracts lint like nothing I’ve ever seen. One of my cats sniffed it as I was drying it one day, and it gathered so much cat hair in those two seconds that I had to wash it again.

But I love this dildo so much that I don’t even care. Because of the matte texture of the silicone, it does require a little more lube than some of my other toys, but it’s well worth it. The curved design means it slides into my body like it was made specifically for me, and the bulb goes right for my G-spot. Because the neck of the dildo is flexible, it doesn’t put an especially intense amount of pressure on the G-spot, but I like that about it. It doesn’t create an overwhelming, “I’m going to squirt” kind of feeling, it just hangs out, makes my G-spot happy, and make clitoral stimulation even better. While the slimmer, “handle” end doesn’t do to much for me internally, it still sports one of my favorite features.wpid-sam_0440.jpg There’s a ridge on each side and a little squiggle on the top of the handle, so that I can make sure the bulb is always facing my G-spot. This is a really thoughtful touch, and I hugely appreciate it.

All in all, I can wholeheartedly say that I love this dildo. While the pliability of the neck may leave some G-spot veterans unimpressed, I think that the awesome price point ($24.99!) makes it a great option for beginners, or any budget-conscious person looking for a solid G-spotter. I’m incredibly glad that I bought this toy, and I think it’ll be a favorite of mine for years to come.

The Lovehoney Satisfy Me G-Spot Silicone Dildo is available from Lovehoney. Currently, it’s available a choice in their crazy-awesome holiday bundle deals!

HedoVibes Roundup #67

intimate-torment-forced-orgasm-harness-kinky-monkey-1Photo courtesy of Cara Sutra

Welcome to HedoVibes, a collection of reviews and giveaways that were posted in the past week or so from around the web. This is a collection of adult product reviews & contests from real reviewers. If you want to be included in the next edition start with the guidelines, then use the submission form.

Want to read more reviews? Check out HedoVibes for a list of the latest reviews and stellar reviewers. You can also follow on twitter for the latest round ups. HedoVibes is also accepting photo submissions for each edition.

CONTESTS

DILDOS

VIBRATORS

ANAL TOYS

RINGS & STROKERS

BONDAGE, IMPACT, & FETISH GEAR

STRAP-ONS/HARNESSES

LUBES & CONDOMS

LINGERIE & SHOES

ADULT VIDEO

EROTIC BOOKS

MISCELLANEOUS

hedo150

Review: Vibratex Magic Wand Original (Hitachi)

The Magic Wand Original was one of the first vibrators I ever bought. Please keep this in mind when reading any other reviews, because it seriously is INTENSE.

wpid-sam_0374.jpg

The Hitachi first piqued my interest years ago, when I was about seventeen and still living with my parents. The reviews for it I read promised ridiculous power and equally powerful orgasms, and I wanted it. Badly. But back then, there was no way I could’ve concealed how loud it was. So instead I bought a mini key chain version, which was as adorable as it was disappointing. (It died after one underwhelming use. Don’t buy it.)

But when I moved into an apartment with my boyfriend, and could make as many loud, sex-related noises as I wanted, I bought one immediately! It was a good thing I waited, because this thing sounds like a damn power tool. And with a range of 5000-6000 vibrations per minute, it pretty much is.

While I already knew about the noise level, the pictures didn’t prepare me for how BIG this thing is. It’s twelve inches long from the top of the head to the base of the handle. The head itself is 2.5 inches across and 2 inches tall. It’s powered by a six foot long electrical cord. I usually use it while laying on my bed, plugging it into a nearby outlet, so the cord length’s never been an issue for me, but it could be a problem for some people. The head has a very slight texture. It’s not enough that I can feel it, but all kinds of gunk always gets trapped in the little grooves. The Hitachi was originally designed as a body massager, so I understand that it’s not prepared to handle vag gunk. It still bugs me, though. It doesn’t add anything, and the way it traps dirt annoys the hell out of me. I use a nail brush to make sure I get it clean, but you could also use an old toothbrush.

The Hitachi has two settings, low and high, which you can control with the switch on the handle. The high setting is usually too much for me at first, so I like to warm up with the low setting and then move up to high once I’m ready. I’ve also found that the vibrations are too strong to use directly on my clitoris. Instead, I just press the Hitachi’s head onto my whole vulva. The vibrations are powerful enough that they easily penetrate deep enough to stimulate the whole clitoris this way. Using by myself is awesome, but one of my favorite things to do is use it during sex with my boyfriend: I sit on top of him, and wedge it between us so that the head is resting against my vulva.

The orgasms that I have with the Hitachi are frankly ridiculous, and I love them. They’re intense, whole body orgasms that leave me exhausted. When I use it, I have to make sure my schedule is clear for the rest of the day, because it leaves me with the strength of a wet noodle. Especially if I squirt. I’ve had some of the most intense orgasms of my life with this toy.

I love and would definitely recommend the Hitachi, but with a few stipulations. As much as I love it, it’s a specialized tool. It’s incredibly good at what it’s designed to do: delivering strong vibrations that give me intense orgasms. But it’s too intense for me to use regularly, especially during longer masturbation sessions or partnered sex. Many people recommend it as a beginner’s toy. Even though it was one of the first toys I purchased, I disagree. While it worked for me, it could easily be overwhelming, especially if you’re not already familiar with what kind of stimulation you like.

So if you’re looking for a well-rounded toy that’s good for everyday use, buy something else. But if you want something super powerful that’ll give you an orgasm so strong you won’t be able to get anything else done that day? Buy a Hitachi.

The Magic Wand Original is available from Early to Bed in the U.S.